A web of horror
By: Hagit Galatzer
During the fall months, it is not rare to hear a bloodcurdling scream, followed by loud banging noises in our house. When family members rush to the disaster area, they discover me, standing triumphally over the body of the monstrous intruder that caused the havoc – a spider. Many of you may be chuckling dismissively now, but others, 30% of the population, know exactly what I'm talking about.
For those of us that suffer from Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, the mere thought or even a picture of a spider, let alone the presence of an actual one, can invoke real fear or a life-threatening sensation, that may seem unreasonable to others. As in many other cases, size does matter. As long as the diameter is smaller than a quarter coin, it is simply a disgusting nuisance. However, bigger models require immediate termination, otherwise I won’t be able to go to sleep. An appropriate weapon is needed of course. I find that a flexible shoe or flip-flop works nicely. If the target lurks in high altitudes, you will also need a broomstick.
Unfortunately, Washington state’s bountiful selection includes extremely large specimens. Some can grow up to a diameter of two inches! Or 5 centimeters, and if this doesn’t sound disturbing enough, imagine a baby’s palm running around your living-room floor. I recall an intruder that was so hefty that it made a small, but audible, thump noise when it jumped off the stairs. These cases require bringing out the big guns, the special spray. The spray itself also makes me very uncomfortable as it sports a huge, life-like, picture of the enemy on the front. After the slaughter, dispose of the body by using tissue paper and lots of will power.
Yes, I know, these are very useful creatures, smart hunters that keep the insects’ population at bay. Well, this is all fine by me as long as the hunting is done in its natural environment, outside my home. It is also known that most are not venomous, but I don’t discriminate, and therefore do not wish to encounter any of them. Despite all that, my favorite super hero has always been Spiderman. He is small and modest and doesn’t even need a pretentious cape.
In Halloween, many decorate their houses with giant fake spiders. Even work places make a special effort to create an extra creepy work environment. And I say enough is enough! What is wrong with using just skeletons, witches and scary clowns? 30% of the population can’t be wrong… Spiderman, please save me, there is a spider in the house…
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